I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
