so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whose parrot is this?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize