so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
