I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
