the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
