Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
where am i from again
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
