Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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