so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
