so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
