I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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