and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
