My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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