sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
