Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
