Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
