Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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