so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
