Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
