I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
