If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
