You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
