He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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