I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have already put on my inside pants.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
