apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
