I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
