Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
