Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
