I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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