pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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