dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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