just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
