we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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