in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize