I think scott just propositioned me for sex
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
