just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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