I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
