Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
