So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And then my night got REAL pukey
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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