Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize