wrigley field is MILF paradise
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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