i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
