if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
