All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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