I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mom said you looked used
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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