I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
