i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
420 ftw
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
