just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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