I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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