this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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