I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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