How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize