Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
