What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
