I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
