you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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