Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
