when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she smelled like a LAN party
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
