it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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