someone threw a dead crab at me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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