tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was born a porn star she said
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
