i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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