i just wanna soil my oats bro
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
