do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
