Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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