i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
