why didn't you poke me back
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
