He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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