i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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