she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
