she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
